Sry I called you an 8
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am available for nakedness
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
