I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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