so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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