**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
