I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
