I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize