My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
