She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
