I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize