i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
