I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
