One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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