I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
