Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
