I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think a kid would responsible me up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
