I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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