He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
