When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
