I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
