What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
