i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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