Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
