Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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