I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
