Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
