Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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