Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
