and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize