You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You don't make any sense
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