I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
