btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
