I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
