I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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