for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
