The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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