she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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