I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
