please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
