No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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