Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
