you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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