HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
