Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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