Kiss
Puke
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
