what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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