This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize