you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
