The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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