wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
