this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
