pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
