The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
