so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize