when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
