Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
