I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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