oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
