I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
