I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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