I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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