come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
