you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
