did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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