I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
