ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
