Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
