apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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