I wish my penis had an off switch
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
