Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
