so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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