dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
