we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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